i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
