I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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