Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
