you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
