with your own penis?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
