I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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