dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
