3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
