So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
