My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
