I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
