tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
