why didn't you poke me back
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
