"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
