Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm at about main and main street
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
