If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
