when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
