He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
