Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
