This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
