I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
