what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
