I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
