mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
