someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
