the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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