The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
