Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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