I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
