remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
