i just wanna soil my oats bro
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
