flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
