whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
