so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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