Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
