She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
