We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
