Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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