thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
