her facebook's as public as her vagina
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
