I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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