u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I could make wine with my vomit
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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