Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think i have two assholes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
