we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
