I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
