Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
