i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
