our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
