Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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