I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
