dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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