Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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